Scissors
by BEN-Beyond the Elusive Nomads
Summary: Naruto asks Kakashi a question on the way back from their mission in wave...but it leads to more consequences then anyone could ever imagine...CRACK. t for Hidans mouth.
1. Chapter 1

**BLAIM DEVIANT ART!!**

**This was inspired by Fanartist on devi.**

**please don't shoot me...**

**xXxXx**

"Oi, Kakashi sensei, how did you get that scar on your eye??" Naruto asked loudly as team seven made their way home from their mission in wave.

"Well, It's kind of a long story…" His sensei said, rubbing the back of his head, "But I guess we have time!" By now, both Sasuke and Sakura were listening.

"So, what happened?" Sakura asked politely, head cocked to the side.

"Well, when I was seven…" His face got deathly serious, and he stared at his students, causing them all to shiver slightly. When Kakashi didn't speak, they all leaned in, eyes wide. He took a deep breath, and his students eyes began to sparkle at the mere thought of a good story about their beloved (albeit lazy) sensei.

"I ran with scissors."

All three students blinked.

"Is…that it?" Sasuke asked curiously, a bit let down. Kakashi smiled brightly.

"Yup!"

Kakashi watched, amused, as his students seemed to deflate before his own eyes. Then, they began to slowly, gloomily, make their way back to Konoha. Kakashi smiled brightly.

"I think that's how Iruka-san got his scar, too."

He blinked, looking at his now passed out students.

"Guys…?

**xXxXx**

_Don't shoot me! I had to do it!!_

_BLAIM DEVIANT ART!!_

_Kuro-kun_


	2. Chapter 2

**I had to add this…when I went to bed, the plot bunnies attacked me. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!**

**xXxXx**

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura said, before trailing off.

"What is it, Sakura?" the Jounin asked, nose buried in his book. Currently, they were all at the bridge, a week after wave.

"You said you got that scar from running with scissors, but we run with kunai all the time!"

"True, but they aren't scissors." Kakashi said wisely, giving a nod of his head.

"What dose that have to do with anything!?" both Sakura and Naruto yelled pointing at their sensei in an accusing manor.

"You always trip with scissors." He said, still reading his book.

"Well we're gonna prove you wrong, dattebayo!"

**xXxXx**

Kakashi looked at his students, shock clear on his face. Currently, Sasuke was grasping a bandaged side, Sakura her wrist, and Naruto his neck. They also had scars all up and down their arms, and legs.

"What happened?" Kakashi asked, genuinely worried for his students safety.

"We ran with scissors…" Naruto said, hanging his head.

"What?" Kakashi asked, eyes wide.

"You were right." Sasuke said, angst pouring off of him, "We'd run with scissors, and get hurt. When we ran with our ninja tools, it was fine. As soon as we picked up scissors, we were the most clumsy people on earth." _'How am I going to kill Itachi if I can't even run with scissors?'_

"See?" Kakashi said, smiling, "Always listen to your sensei. Now come one, we have to go get our mission."

**xXxXx**

"Well, we have another D rank mission for you…" Sarutobi said, his voice a hoarse cough, "Today, you are going to help the orphanage by unloading a new shipment of scissors-" He looked up when he heard sharp intakes of breaths. He was met with the amusing sight of all of the genin's face's twisted in horror.

"No!" Naruto cried, "Anything but that! WE DON'T WANT ANYMORE SCARS!!" He then collapsed in a sobbing heap, muttering 'dattebayo' over and over. Even Sasuke looked genuinely panicked.

"Kakashi, is that how they got all these scars?"

"I'm afraid so, Hokage-sama." The hokage sighed.

"Please, Hokage-sama, anything but the scissors!" Sakura pleaded, "We don't wan't any scar's like Iruka0sensei of Kakashi-sensei!"

"What do you mean?" Sarutobi asked, taking a breath of his pipe.

"Isn't that how Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei got their scars?"

"No, not at all, Sasuke!" The third said, "Kakashi got his in a mission with his genin squad! Iruka got his from the kyuubi attack!" The three genin froze, before glaring heatidly at their smiling sensei.

"Well, I have to go. Ja!"

"KAKASHI!!1"


	3. Chapter 3

**...i had to do it...**

**xXxXx**

The wind blew, as Sasuke faced off against his older brother, Uchiha Itachi.

He had spent three years with the snake-teme, all for this moment. And he decided that instead of making him suffer from pain, he shall suffer from humiliation.

"You want me to what?" Itachi asked incredulously.

"I want you to run with scissors." Sasuke said seriously. Itachi sighed, obviously thinking his little brother had gone insane.

"Fine, if that is your dieing wish." The Elder Uchiha said, taking the scissors from his brothers hands. He continued to think his brother was insane, and he began to run.

And tripped.

Sasuke laughed manically as the scissors impaled themselves into his brothers neck.

"Who is the strongest now, Itachi?" He yelled violently to the sky.

"Me." Sasuke turned, and saw Itachi standing their. He heard the kage bunshin disappear in a puff of smoke.

"What? How!?" Sasuke asked eyes wide.

"Pft. I know better then to run with scissors. How do you think I got this scar?"

**xXxXx**

…

**Okay, I'm done now…**


	4. Chapter 4

**We all need a little crack in our lives….just not the drug.**

**Well, after re-reading a few reviews…I'm adding another chapter.**

**About Scissors.**

**(muahahahaha)**

**xXxXxXx**

The Akatsuki had been called to a meeting. An evil meeting, but still, a meeting. They sat around a large rectangular table in various positions, with Pein setting at the head of the table.

"I have a plan." Pein said evilly, drumming his fingers on his arm.

"What kind of plan?" Kisame asked as he leaned against his sword.

"An evil kind," He answered. "It is how we will destroy Konoha."

"Is this like your last fifty failed plans?" Konan asked as she glanced lazily at her fingers.

"No!" He replied, ignoring the jab, "This plan is fool proof, and Itachi brought it too my attention!!!" The Uchiha gave a short wave before continuing to flip through a Cosmo Girl magazine.

"…wait, are you reading Cosmo Girl?" Pein asked, pointing at the magazine. Itachi nodded.

"I like to take their quizzes. Right now I'm finding out if I'm too pushy or not." He responded casually. All of the other members stared at him incredulously. "What? I found it under Hidan's bed."

"That's where that fucking magazine went!!!" the Jashanist cried, before flinching, "Uh…I mean, I thought I was running out of toilet paper!"

"Uh huh, sure, that explains why you were circling several different fashion tips, and writing your own commentary on the thing," Itachi said.

"Guys!!!!" Pein called, "You must listen to my wonderful idea!!!" Hidan huffed, cursing to himself, before settling down again. "Now, about this wonderful plan…it's actually quite simple. Itachi, explain." The Uchiha sighed before closing the magazine and tossing it back to Hidan. He stood, and then pulled out a chart from no where. The first page said, 'Itachi's most brilliant plan ever' in red marker, but Itachi was crossed out and replaced with Pein in purple marker. The Uchiha pulled out a metal pointer, and pointed with it.

"This, is the best plan ever," he said before using the pointer to flip the page where there was a picture of Sasuke.

"What kind of outfit is that, un??" Deidara asked in surprise, "He looks like a demented pirate!!!"

"No, no, he looks more like a Samurai," Sasori argued, before pushing aside the puppet her was working on,

"Actually, I think it screams evil minion," Kakuzu protested as he counted up his money.

"Fuck all of you!!" Hidan yelled, "He looks like a fucking cross-dresser!!!"

"That isn't the point!!!" Itachi yelled, before pointing at the rather obvious scar on his siblings neck, "This is the point. Do you know how he got this scar?"

"Yes, because we stalk your brother," Zetsu drawled as he watered his plant. Itachi pointed at him with the pointer.

"I'lll see you after the meeting about that." He said.

"Running with scissors?" Kisame said in a joking manner.

"Exactly," Itachi said with a nod, "I'm glad someone is taking this seriously." Dead silence, "Anyway, when he was a genin, a rookie at that, he and his team mates ran with scissors." He flipped the page to reveal a poorly drawn picture of a pair of scissors. "this is what happened." He flipped the page again and it had two pictures, one of Naruto and one of Sakura, and they both had scars coating their arms and legs. "Now, they look like seasoned ninja even though they really just were stupid and didn't listen to their parents…except for Naruto, he has an excuse for being an idiot.

"Anyway, this was brought to my attention when Sasuke confronted me about a week or so ago and asked me to run with scissors." He lifted up his sleeve and pointed to his arm where there was a fading scar, "I knew better, as you can see. Anyway, after that the fight was very anti-climatic and we both lived, I returned and this idea formulated in my mind." He turned the page to reveal an image of a cardboard box with weapons written on it. Beside it was an image of scissors with an arrow pointing to the top of the box.

"Here is the idea…Konoha recently ordered new weapons from Amegakure. We replace the weapons with scissors, and then they will think they are some new weapon that is cleaverly disguised as scissors. When they go into battle with them, they will run and BAM!" He clapped his hands together, "They get maimed, and beaten, and eventually killed for running with scissors."

The room was silent. Everyone had halted all they were doing and staring at the Uchiha with blank expressions.

"THAT WAS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!!!"

**xXxXx**

**Well, ta daa!!!!**

**More crack. ^___^**

**Oh, and the comments about Sasuke's outfit I got from a diviantART picture...again...ta dah!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well…see this is what happened. After reading a review for this story…inspiration struck.**

**DAMN YOU PLOT BUNNIES!!!!!! *takes away their cookies***

**xXxXxXx**

"Well, it looks like we have a new mission for Team Kakashi," Tsunade said, "Unfortunately, it's just a D-rank but it's the last mission available since you guys were so late." Sakura and Naruto both pointed accusingly at Kakashi, who simply smiled. The fifth sighed. "Well, you guys are going to unpack the new weapons we just ordered. I don't remember what they were supposed to be, so after you unpack you need to deliver the weapons to all of the weapons outfitters in Konoha." She looked up and the four nodded swiftly. "Dismissed.

-

"Wow, that's a lot of boxes," Sakura said in aw, before pulling on her gloves, "It's times like these that I thank Tsunade's training."

"Well, we should probably get started," Kakashi said, "And by we, I mean you three. I'll help with the delivery." He then leaned against the walls casually and began reading his book. Naruto began to grumble, but started on the nearest box. He removed a kunai, spinning it for a second on his index finger, before cutting open the poorly taped box. He began to whistle cheerfully as he pulled open the flaps only to freeze in his spot.

"Uh-uhWAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" He screamed before flinging himself backwards and cowering.

"What's wrong?" Sai asked, looking up from his opened box. He was met with the sight of Sakura frozen with fear filled eyes.

"N….No!!!!" She cried, before collapsing, "NO!!! NOT AGAIN!!!! ANYTHING BUT THIS!!!!!" Poor Sai looked completely confused. When he attempted to shake them out of it, he ended up with a bloody nose and a large bruise. He sighed before facing Kakashi.

"Can you help? Idiot and the hag are relatively useless right now." Kakashi sighed before closing his book and glancing into the box. He pulled out a nice shiny pair of scissors.

"This must be a weapon cleverly disguised as scissors!" he said, "Amazing! I need to tell Tsunade-sama about this amazing discovery right away!!!" That being said, he ran out the door.

Only to trip.

"Ow!" Kakashi said, "That really hurt! Silly Kakashi, I better watch what I'm doing next time!!"

Sai tilted his head in confusion, before sighing and looking at the traumatized chunins he was left with.

"…Penis!"

-

"Tsunade-ouch-sama!!" Kakashi yelled as he tripped into her office, cuts covering his body, "Look at-ouch-this amazing device!!"

"Kakashi!" Tsunade yelled, "You're all bloody!!!"

"I must be having an off day." He said, "But look! It's the weapons you ordered!" He up a bloody pair of scissors, "They are cleverly disguised as Scissors! It's amazing!" Tsunade gasped.

"I knew only I could order something so fantastic!" she said, "Quick! Every ninja will be supplied with one of these amazing devices free of charge!! Akatsuki doesn't stand a chance!!!"

Fortunately, Shizune managed to reveal the amazing secret that they were nothing more then a simple pair of scissors by demonstrating their amazing ability to cut paper. After feeling immensely disappointed, Tsunade and Kakashi ordered team seven (AKA, Sai. Sakura and Naruto were traumatized beyond beleif) to re-pack the scissors and demand a refund.

The Akatsuki was PISSED and decided to screw the jinchuriki for now, they were killing Shizune.

**xXxXxXx**

…

…

…

……………………………………………………………………………………**I am ashamed of myself…poor poor Kakashi....and those other two. :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Haha…it never seems to end. I honestly never thought that this story would make it so far. Lol.**

**Naruto: you are sick, and twisted.**

**Me: ((holds up pair a scissors))**

**Naruto: AHH!! ((cowers in fear))**

**Me: Muahahaha…here you go, the next chapter.**

**Chapter Six:**

"Orochimaru-sama, I have a shipment coming from an undisclosed location," Kabuto said as he pushed up his glasses "It says that they're a high tech weapon."

"I don't remember ordering any weapons," the sickly snake Sannin said as he creped out of the darkness. He neared the box and watched with only slight interest as Kabuto began to cut open the box with a kunai. Tension filled the room as the medic slowly opened the box, and a gasp escaped from the two as they saw what was inside.

"Amazing!" Orochimaru hissed, "It's a weapon cleverly disguised as a pair of common day scissors! Quick, un-named minion number 665, go get Sasuke-kun!!"

"B-but Orochimaru-sama, he's asleep,' the shivering servant said, but with a single glare from the powerful kage the minion went on his way. After a minute, they heard tortured screams from where Sasuke's room was located. Another minute, and Sasuke was sulking into the room with a small bloodstain on his shirt.

"What is it?" he asked gruffly. As Orochimaru held up the 'weapon' in an attempt to explain it, horror filled the Uchiha's body as he recognized the unmentionable object.

"N-no!" he cried, before a girly scream ripped through his throat, "no! Anything but that!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

"Sasuke-kun, what's the matter?" the Sannin asked, "It's just a weapon cleverly disguised as scissors."

"NO!!! NOT THE SCISSORS!!!!" Kabuto watched with wide eyes.

"Dear lord…what did Konoha put him through to cause such a traumatic reaction?"

Meanwhile, at a secret base in a secret location a few day's later…

"So, sound has been completely wiped out save for Sasuke-san?" Pein asked as they sat around the meeting table.

"Affirmative," Kisame replied, "Apparently, they fell for our trap and everyone began fighting with scissors. They ended up getting maimed by the pointy objects."

"Excellent," Pein murmured, "and what of Orochimaru, Did we get his ring?"

"Apparently Sasuke-kun killed him and took his ring. We'll have to get to Sasuke-kun first." Kisame continued.

"God DAMMIT!!!" Hidan yelled loudly.

"I know it's bad, Hidan, but it's not worth screaming over," Pein said, "and don't you mean Jashin dammit?"

"Fuck you bastard!" the Jashinist screamed, "I just got ketchup all over my Cover Girl magazine!! How am I supposed to be easy, breezy, beautiful without the fucking book!!" in his anger, he took out his scythe and proceeded to slice the book and the ketchup bottle to bits. "DIE, MOTHERFUCKERS, DIE!!!"

"God dammit, Hidan!" Kakuzu yelled angrily, "That was all the ketchup we had for the month!! Because of that, I'm not giving you any money for your stupid subscription anymore!! You'll have to be easy, beautiful, and breezy some other way!"

"Imbecile, it's easy, breezy, beautiful," Itachi said in a monotone.

"Whatever," Kakuzu murmured, "You owe me for that ketchup bottle, Hidan."

"Fuck you, you sacrilegious bastard!!!"

**xXxXxXx**

**Haha, that was fun to write. YAY!!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok, I posted this so I could post the AN at the end and since this isn't an oneshot I decided to give you all a chapter. PRAISE ME!!!!!! Haha.**

**Chapter Seven:**

"Hey, Hey guys!!!" Hidan yelled as he ran through the hallways, only to trip and fall flat on his face. He pushed himself back up before he skidded into the living room where everyone sat.

"…what happen to your scythe?" Kakuzu asked curiously, thinking his partner had finally lost it. Hidan, on the other hand, was ecstatic.

"GUESS WHAT!!!" he yelled.

"…are those scissors?" Itachi asked curiously to his fishy partner. Kisame nodded slowly.

"I think they are…"

"Wow, Hidan's finally snapped, un," Deidara said slowly. Hidan ignored them.

"I found out they make tri-bladed-scissors!" he exclaimed, "So, I got a new scythe!! This is now my praying scythe!! Whenever I need to pray to Jashin-sama, I just run and BAM I get stabbed!! Isn't it amazing!!" Blank stares accompanied his explanation.

"Hidan," Pein said slowly, but was cut off by a string of curses from the back room no one was allowed inside. They heard Konan release a stream of profanities before the door was crashed down my some dark haired freak on wheels.

"OH MY GOD, UN!" Deidara screamed before jumping off of his seat.

"HE'S A FUCKING ANOREXIC ON WHEELES!!!" Hidan exclaimed, holding his scythe tightly against his chest and stroking it in a comforting manner, "shh…it's ok, my pretty scythe, it'll all be okay."

"How much money did it take to build that thing!?" Kakuzu screamed angrily, jumping to his feet and pointing at it angrily. Nagato blinked before laughing nervously.

"Well…that was unexpected." Itachi said monotonously, and he continued painting his nails.

"**You need a burger**," Zetsu said slowly, before licking his lips, "and I need a person. Excuse me. **Get out of the way!"**

"…well, that was unexpected," Konan said slowly, before grabbing the back of Nagato's machine, "come on, we need to get you back in your room." Dead silence echoes throughout the room before Pein coughed.

"You each saw nothing, got it?" he asked, "And Hidan…that is the worst idea for a scythe. Ever."

"Fuck you!!"

**xXxXxXx**

**On my profile there is a new poll asking about what serious story I should write next, after I finish off 'Final Lifeline'. I can only write one serious fanfiction at a time because otherwise I get all out of whack. Scissors and one shots don't count because scissors is just a bunch of crack and oneshots I don't add on to (usually).**

**So, there are three options:**

_Blind People_

_Destiny's A Bitch_

_Moment._

**While 'Blind People' doesn't have a for-sure pairing, if it wins I will then put up a poll asking what the readers want. ::smiles::**

**So, now that I have informed people about this…YEW SHALL GO VOTE!!!...pretty pwease? ::puppy dog face::**

**Thanks, and much love!!**

**B.E.N.**


	8. Chapter 8

**So far my favorite chapter was chapter six, when Hidan sacrificed the ketchup. OMG ::dies::. So anyway, I re-read my own chapters and remembered something…..I mentioned Shizune…did I not?**

**Don't worry….she will be perfectly safe in the end….muahaha**

**Chapter Eight:**

"Zzzz…medicine…Mmm, Kakashi…SNORE…donuts,"

Giggling.

SMACK.

"Shut up Tobi, Un!"

"Wha?" Shizune asked, and the two Akatsuki members froze, only to let out a sigh of relief as Shizune turned over, her back to them, and began to snore again, "Zzz…ketchup….on Kakashi…yum,"

"Okay," Deidara whispered, "We need to simply replace her kunai with scissors. We can't out right kill her, because then Tsunade with suspect us, un."

"Right!" Tobi whispered. They crept across the room, Tobi giggling with pure excitement, before they made it to her closet, where she kept all of her nin supplies. It took only two short minutes to steal her kunai and shuriken and replace them with the dangerous objects.

They left through the window, even though the back door was unlocked and wide open. When Tobi noticed this, he as promptly smacked in the head by Deidara and given the explination that going through windows was "way cooler then using the door, un!"

-

"…WHERE THE HELL ARE MY FUCKING KUNAI!??" Shizune roared angrily, before stomping out of her house like a mad rhinoceros, "NARUTOOOO!!!"

Naruto watched with horrified eyes as Shizune stalked towards him, her eyes glowing angrily. She looked as if she were a demon straight from the very depths of hell. Her hair was a mess, she was tired looking, and she hadn't the time to get dressed. In one hand was a pair of scissors, and the other was clenched around a long piece of blond hair.

"What did you do?!"

"I-I didn't do anything, Shizune-nee!" Naruto said in a panicked voice. Shizune glared.

"BULL! I found a piece of your hair in my closet!" she snarled. Naruto shook his head.

"I-I didn't do anyting, Shizune-nee!!" He repeated like a broken record. Shizune was silent, before a sadistic grin came across her face and she lifted the scissors dangerously.

"N-No!" Naruto cried, before screaming like a girl and running away from the raging woman, who to add on to her missing weapons, was PMSing. She, being the smart person she is, stuck the scissors into her pajamas pockets before chasing after the Naruto with chakra inhanced speed.

"I'LL GIVE YOU A REASON TO FEAR THESE DAMNED SCISSORS!!!!"

**xXxXxXx**

…**I wish I could put Hidan in here some where…I like him calling people sacrilegious bastards…oh well.**

**Hidan: YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING SACRILEGIOUS BASTARDS!!!!**

**Ja! **

**B.E.N.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I was on Youtube…and I saw a video…and inspiration struck.**

**Chapter Eight:**

The Akatsuki jumped in surprise as Pein slammed an unknown substance onto the table, his glare piercing straight through the souls of the fellow members.

"Who the hell bought Febreeze!?" He demanded. Everyone looked at each other before shrugging.

"I don't know." They chorused, except it was as if they all spoke in their own language. In truth, this is what they said:

Hidan: "The hell if I know."

Kakuzu: "…isn't that shit really expensive?"

Itachi: "Hn."

Deidara: "Who knows, un."

Kisame: "I don't know."

Konan: "Don't look at me, I'm the smart one here."

Tobi: "Tobi would never do that!"

But for Pein, that was translated to: "I don't know." being with them for a while gave you those sorts of powers.

"Do you know what Febreeze does to you!?" He asked angrily, "It's almost as bad as Scissors!!" Everyone's eyes widened, well, except for Itachi. They knew what the mystical power of scissors does to a person. They know far, far too well. Pein began to explain, pacing back and forth.

"A single spray of Febreeze can make the stinkiest of ninja smell good! It turns every bad scent into something nice. It eliminates 99.9 percent of odors! If it can do that to scent, imagine what it could do to us!!" Dread filled the room, and everyone shared looks of panic.

"It could completely destroy us!" Pein yelled, tossing his hands up, "We need to find out who would have such a grudge against us that they would find a way to up the mystical powers of scissors, and use it against us!!"

"Maybe it was Naruto, un," Deidara said, "We are trying to capture the Kyuubi, in turn killing him, un."

"No, he's still to afraid of scissors to think of something so diabolical." Pein said, dismissing the idea.

"I bet it was that bastard Orochimaru!!" Hidan exclaimed, jumping up from his seat.

"No, he's dead, remember?" Konan explained. Kakuzu shook his head.

"No, he's actually sealed inside of Sasuke, but when he and Itachi have the final showdown Itachi uses Susanoō to finally kill him," he shrugged, "But we aren't supposed to know that yet." The Akatsuki all nodded in agreement.

"So, who else?" Tobi asked innocently.

"Gaara?" Konan said with a shrug, in all honesty not really caring too much of who did it.

"Nah, I doubt it." Deidara replied, "Konoha?"

"I KNOW IT!" Kisame exclaimed from his spot, "It was Shizune! She must have discovered her weapons were replaced with scissors and decided to up the ante!" Everyone gasped at this stunning realization.

"It is decided," Pein said before setting down at his seat at the head of the table, "do you know the direness of this situation?!"

"Didn't we already fucking cover that!?" Hidan yelled, "Look, Febreeze is Jashin-sama's mortal enemy! I MUST FUCKING AVENGE THIS TERRIBLE CRIME AGAINST JASHN-SAMA!!!" He screamed like a kamikaze (he knew how, he got professional training when he went to become a Kamikaze, but they kicked him out when they found out he was immortal. But that is a story for another time…). And threw himself out of a nearby window, before running towards Konoha on what would be a suicide mission if he could die.

"Follow him!!" Pein ordered, ""We shall fight Konoha to take back our honor!!"

"HU-OHHH!!!!"

**xXxXxXx**

**OH NOES!! SHIZUNE, LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!!**

**Well, the next chapter is all planned out…the Akatsuki rise against Konoha…eight against several hundred…soon, the whole ninja wold will know…THIS. IS. AKATSUKI!!!!!!**

**A free look at what I have planned for the next chapter if you can guess what I'll be making fun of. Hint: Look up and to the right a little bit, and it's a movie.**

**B.E.N.**

**PLEASE READ: Oh, and quick question! I'm planning on going to anime Weekend Atlanta in spetember, and I have a list of people I can cosplay as. Based on my pictures (on my profile and on deviant art) I want you to tell me who I should be. KK?**

**NOW THE OPTIONS!!!**

**Kurenai**

**TenTen**

**Haku**

**Orochimaru**

**Neji**

**Hinata**

**And there you have it. The only reason I put Hinata is because…ahem, of her bust size. MY FRIENDS MADE ME!!! They want to all go as Akatsuki members, but none of them have brown hair and I'm trying to be cheep here…OMG I'M TURNING INTO KAKUZU!!!! ((kills self before it's too late))**


	10. Chapter 10

**DUN DUN DUN!!!**

**Chapter Ten:**

"…Do we really have to wear these?" Itachi asked slowly, feeling oddly exposed in the leather Speedo-like pants and a red cape. He held a shield in his hands, and tossed it back and forth lazily.

"Yes!!" Pein exclaimed, "It is absolutely necessary!"

"…How the hell am I supposed to fight in this?" Konan asked, tugging on the tin fabric of her Grecian styled dress, "It seems like it'll fly off at any second."

"No it won't," Pein denied, trying to push the thought of it out of his head, "But now we strike!! Konoha shall not stand for much longer!!"

"This is madness," Kisame murmured as he blushed a light purple and he fidgeted in his outfit. Pein snapped his head over to him.

"Madness?" He asked angrily, jumping in front of the blue gilled man, "This! Is! AKATSUKI!!!" He angrily kicked the gilled man onto his back. He stood over the 'fallen' Kisame, who just stared up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Can we fucking go now!?" Hidan asked angrily, "Jashin-sama needs his fucking vengeance!!!"

"Shut up," Kakuzu growled, not to pleased with the choice of outfit.

"We already wasted thirty fucking minutes so we could stop and change into your stupid outfits!!" Hidan continued as he completely ignored Kakuzu, shaking his fist at the leader, "We need to go!!"

"We need a plan," Zetsu said, the only one followed to stay in his cloak, "If we just charge in there like this we'll die. It's eight against several hundred shinobi."

"Fine," Pein grumbled, upset that the plant man managed to outsmart him, "Stupid plant-man."

"You said that out loud,** Bastard."**

"How about this, un!" Deidara said, not wanting to put up with the oncoming argument, "Itachi can place them all under a genjutsu, and Kisame and Konan can take out those that noticed it. Meanwhile, I'll throw bombs on them from above. Hidan can take out a mass amount of people if he just decapitates them, un, and Kakuzu can use his heart things to fight several people. Tobi can…er…what can you do, un?"

"**I will kill them all," **he said in a creepy voice. Everyone stared at him for a moment and backed away.

"Er…you just kill off whoever you can, un," Deidara reasoned, sweat dripping from his brow. _'Creepy, un.'_

"Meanwhile," Pein jumped in, "I shall take on Shizune, the she-devil who dare threaten our organization!!"

"What about Naruto-kun?" Itachi asked blandly.

"You can be in charge of that," Pein said bluntly, "I shall be a moment, hold on!" He pulled out a scroll (from where no one knew) before summoning the six paths of Pein.

"Since when could you do that?" Kisame asked.

"Since none yah business," Pein snapped back, "Now…We shall take from them nothing, and give them everything!!"

"…you mean 'Give them nothing, and take from them, everything'?" Konan asked slowly.

"Yeah, what she said!!" Pein said quickly, "ONWARD, HO!!!"

"What'd you call me?!" Konan, Deidara, and Hidan asked angrily. Pein felt sweat drip from his brow.

"…nothing, never mind."

-

The remaining Akatsuki (basically everyone but the six paths of Pein) Glared at the remaining Konohagakure nin s they stood against them. There plan didn't work out to well, and several people dispelled the genjutsu before they could do too much damage. All the civilians had been moved to the safe place in the mountain and only shinobi were out and fighting.

"What are you here for!?" Tsunade demanded angrily.

"Revenge!" Pein exclaimed, pointing at the Hokage angrily, "You henchmen Shizune sent us febreze!" Silence swallowed up the Akatsuki.

"You're here…because someone sent you febreze?" Sakura asked slowly, seeming unable to comprehend this.

"Yes!!' Pein said angrily, "Why is that hard to understand!?"

"…I didn't send any febreze," Shizune said with furrowed eyebrows, "…why would I do that?"

"Because we switched your weapons with scissors!!" Pein exclaimed, for the first time at a complete loss. Shizune's eyes widened.

"O-Oh…that was you?" she said, before blushing and rubbing the back of her head, "Hah-hah….Oops?"

"I TOLD YOU!!" Naruto cried from the crowed, before fighting his way forward. He was wrapped in bandages, and glaring at Shizune with what looked too be tears in his eyes, "I told you it wasn't me!!" He began to sob, before dropping to his knees and turning his face to the sky, "WHY DOESN"T ANYONE TRUST ME-HE-HE!?!?!??!" Tsunade sighed.

"Sakura, please escort him off of the field," she said, and Naruto suddenly got a brave look.

"No! I will defeat the Akatsuki!" He yelled bravely, "NO ONE CAN KEEP ME FROM EXECUTING MY VENGEANCE!!!!" Tsunade just whacked him on the head, Knocking him out, before getting the medic nins to place him in hiding. In actuality, they just placed him behind a bush and covered him in mud, but it managed to fool the Akatsuki.

"Um…no it didn't," Pein said, looking upwards toward the sky, "We can obviously see him." The sky darkened, and clouds split to reveal two angry brown eyes glaring down at him.

"Listen, bitch, are you the author?" a feminine voice asked in an amazingly scary way.

"…well, no, but–"

"Then silence yourself!!" The voice cried, before lightning cracked, and caused a great rift to appear between the Akatsuki and the shinobi of Konoha, "Do you dare utter such blasphemy in my un-holy presence?!"

"OI, bitch!" Hidan yelled angrily, "You can't tell me what to do!! I only listen to Jashin-sama!!!" The two eyes moved to Hidan, and stared at him incredulously.

"Really?" She asked, her voice no longer scary and actually quiet amused and slightly distraught at the same time, "do you REALLY not recognize me at all?" She sounded annoyed now, as if she were about to break down into hysterics. Hidan's eyes widened.

"OH EHM GEE, is that you, Jashin-sama!!!??" He cried. The girl cackled.

"Yes!! I AM THE ALMIGHTY JASHIN-SAMA!!!" Kisame blinked, before looking at Hidan with a raised eyebrow.

"…your god is a chick?" he asked. Hidan glared at him.

"YOU HEATHEN!! How DARE you insult Jashin-sama!?!" Hidan yelled angrily, pointing at him.

"Good boy," the newly dubbed Jashin-sama said, before tossing down a person from the skies, "Here, have a sacrifice." Hidan wasted no time in catching his sacrifice and slinging it over his shoulder, knowing now would be a bad time.

"Thank you, Jashin-sama!" He said with a grin reminiscent of a child who had just gone trick-or-treating and had gotten five pillow cases full of candy. Jashin then seemed to shrink in size before majestically floating down from the skies and landing on the Akatsuki's side of the rift.

Only to trip and almost fall on her face. Luckily, Hidan, being the faithful follower he was, caught her and easily steadied her.

"Thanks," Jashin murmured, before brushing invisible dust off of her clothes, and turning to the confused Konoha shinobi. She pointed dramatically. It was really quite comical to see her pointing so threateningly at shinobi who were all taller then her (she was only 5'1 ½") and all considerably more threatening looking.

"Look! I don't really care what you do to all the other freaks," She motioned to the group behind her, ignoring their mumbling protests, "But I'm taking Hidan with me, so bugger off. The lot of you." She sighed, "This is what I get for messing with destiny," she murmured, causing several people to raise eyebrows.

"Huh? Came from the crowd. Jashin-sama sighed.

"Okay, you should all sit down, this might take a second," she instructed, and they all did so. She turned to the Akatsuki, and using her all-mighty-Jashin-powers moved them over closer to the rift so she could face everyone. She turned to Hidan.

"Hidan! Be my chair!" she instructed.

"Of course, Jashin-sama!" he cried, before bending at the knees in what looked to be a rather uncomfortable position. She walked over, her sparkling white Grecian styled dress (with an even awesome-er cape) swishing behind her even though there was no draft or anything (being a goddess had its perks). She sat on his lap, ignoring his wince, and crossed her legs politely.

"See, it all began a little over three years ago when I decided to make Naruto-kun over there," she motioned vaguely to the bush where he was hidden, "Ask his sensei a question as he returned from a mission to wave…"

**-**

**AND THE SECRET IS OUT!!!!!!! SOON, ALL WILL BE REVEALED!!!!**

**I am grieved to say, that the next chapter very well may be the last. Unless I decided to mess with them some more (after stealing Hidan all to myself) and create an EPIC sequel (about what I do not know, but I do know that Hidan will be the epic and un-holy messenger of the awesome Jashin-sama and will periodically be sent down to reek havoc upon the innocents) the story will officially close with the next update.**

**Yes, I am as distraught as you all, but I find that this shall be a fitting ending to the tale of woe that surrounds the Akatsuki and their failure plans, Naruto and his scissor phobia, and the tragedy that is a essentially Sasuke-less story (Amazing, isn't it?). Alas, 'Scissors' is the Romeo and Juliet of the CRACK NARUTO UNIVERSE.**

**Haha, that's so weird. Seriously. I was planning on having someone speak in 1337 (Leet) speak through the whole next chapter. A sneak peak if someone can tell me what 1337 speak is, because at my school no-one knows what the HELL I'm talking about.**

**So…review? Please?? I'd like this story to hit 100 reveiws…that's my goal, and if it does I'll be so happy!!!!**

**Anyway, if you haven't voted on my poll in the profile, please do so!! EVERYTHING IS TIED!!!!!! HELP MEEEEEE!!!!**

**Sayonara!!**

**B.E.N.**

**(It forfex is scissors in latin, would the scientific term for the phobia of scissors be forfexphobia???)**

**(Oh, and for what Jashin looks like, again, just look at my profile and facebook and myspace.)**

**(oh, and I apologize for any british slang that gets thrown into the mix. I'm OBSESSING with harry potter. Badly, too. Especially Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) Mmm...Death Eater...)**


	11. Chapter 11

**!!!**

**Chapter Eleven:**

"Of course, I simply tweaked Kakashi-chan's response so it was a bit more amusing for me, and let it go from there. From that point on, I cursed the objects known as 'scissors' to grace their holders with incredibly bad luck, causing them to trip repeatedly." Jashin smiled, ignoring Hidan as he shifted to try and restore blood flow to his legs, "Then, I made Sasuke appear less and less for reasons that only a god would understand." She nodded, ignoring that no one really cared, "So, I began toying with everyone to suit my own needs, even going as far as to turn some people gay. Much more entertaining on my part," She grinned shamelessly.

"Of course, no one important ended up with a change in sexuality," she continued with a dismissive wave of her hand, "I wouldn't be able to do that with at least a small mark on my conscience. I'm not perfect you know." Hidan opened his mouth to disagree, his sacrifice tied to a nearby tree as to not escape, but Jashin just started speaking again, "Anyway, after planting ridiculous ideas into people's minds, I was going to end it all today. But, Pein-teme is an idiot and ruined everything!" she huffed and crossed her arms with a pout her main feature.

"So…wh-what are you going to do?" Hinata asked timidly. Jashin grinned.

"I am going to turn back time all the way to the wave arc and make Naruto not ask the question!! All shall be right again!!" She clapped her hands together and smiled brightly, "I'll find some other way to mess everything up!"

"What about me, Jashin-sama?" Hidan asked, but before she could reply, a voice boomed over the skies.

"Jashin!!" The voice roared. This one was definitely male, and he sounded pissed. Jashin jumped.

"Shit!" she cried, leaping off of Hidan's lap, who stood and sighed in relief. Jashin laughed awkwardly as two blue eyes appeared in the sky, and she smiled awkwardly.

"Ohayo Outo-sama," she said innocently, "You woke up sooner then I expected…ha-ha." A man descended from the heavens, much like she had, except he was much more threatening.

"Jashin," the man said in a scolding manner, "Have you been messing with fate again?" She looked down and shuffled her feet.

"Maybe…" she said slowly. The man scowled.

"What have I told you about doing that?" he asked. Jashin pouted angrily, narrowed her eyes, and stomped her foot.

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm a goddess!! You named me one yourself!!" She crossed her arms and stared the man down defiantly. He raised an eyebrow, before throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"Do you know how much trouble this is causing me!?" He asked angrily, "I'm going to have to turn time backwards to where you started messing everything up and set everything back on course. Do you know how many memories are going to be erased!?" She looked down at her feet again sadly, and sniffed pathetically.

"B-But Outo-san," she whimpered, "They're so much fun to mess with! Much more fun then the wizards, or the sparkly fricking vampires!! Do you know how gay that is?!?!" Her father sighed.

"I'm sorry, Jashin, but none of them will remember anything that has happened in the past three years, AND I'm turning back time," Jashin opened her mouth to protest, but he continued, "I am also stripping you of your time-changing abilities!" Tears flowed dramatically down her face.

"Daddy!" She cried, "That's no fair!! I earned those powers fair and square when I fought my way through the ranks and earned the rank of goddess!! You can't do that to me!!" She suddenly seemed to have an idea, and before anyone could react, she screamed out, "I'M PREGNANT!!!"

Almost everyone fell over.

"WHAAAAAT!?!" Her father yelled, "How did this happen!!" She didn't even stop in her acting as she grabbed Hidan by the arm and held the appendage close.

"I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM!!" she cried. Hidan looked equally confused.

"What are you talking about?" He whispered in her ear.

"Look, you just go with it and not only do you get laid, but you'll become my personal un-holy messenger of havoc. I'm your goddess, right?" She looked at him with puppy dog eyes, "You do want that, right? To be completely acknowledged by your god??" Hidan accepted the idea easily, and nodded before facing down her father (though he admitted later to thinking he was going to be smited then and there).

"Yes!" He said trying to be as convincing as possible, "I am in love with Jashin!"

Over with the Akatsuki, Kakuzu leaned over and whispered to Kisame:

"Ten bucks says that he gets smited for impregnating a god's daughter."

**-**

**You are all very lucky. The chapter was getting really long, way to long compared to the other chapters, so I stopped it on a humorous note!!**

**The next chapter…what happens to Hidan? Will Jashin's father smite him as Kakuzu predicted?**

**Oh, and if you didn't say who I should be for AWA please do.**

**OH, and only FallenSilent answered my question, so they get a thing written for them!! It made me so happy, I decided to be generous.**

**Oh, and Hidan's legs aren't hurting cuz she's fat. It's because if you were setting on nothing (like an invisible chair) with a woman on your lap, wouldn't you be slightly uncomfortable??**

**B.E.N.**


	12. The End

**OMG!!!**

**Chapter Eleven:**

The god just stared blankly, as if he couldn't wrap his head around it. He opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it again, and the process repeated several times. Everyone tensed, and some managed to pull out popcorn and watch the show with interest. The god was silent, before regaining composure and crossing his arms, eyes narrowed.

Then, with a snap of his fingers, a lightening bolt came down and struck Hidan, who promptly fell over and began twitching violently.

"OH MY DAD!" Jashin cried, before leaning over Hidan with a frown, gently poking his arm, "Are you okay!?!?!" When she received a pained groan in response, she sighed and then snapped her fingers, restoring him to perfect health. She turned on her father with her hands fisted on her hips.

"Daddy!" She scolded, "You promised not to do that again!" He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Are you two married?" he asked, and Kakuzu glared at Kisame.

"Technically he got smited, he just lived through it," he demanded, and Kisame reluctantly handed him his money.

"Well," Jashin said slowly, shuffling her feet and looking up at her father through her eyelashes and trying to appear innocent, "Not really…"

"Then it's decided!" The god yelled, and he snapped his fingers. Hidan was suddenly in his boxers and Jashin was left alone, though she was wearing white heels to make her taller. Hidan blinked.

"Er…am I supposed to be in my boxers?" He asked lamely, raising his hand slightly and causing him to look like a student in school. The God blinked.

"Huh. Oops," he snapped his fingers again, and indeed, Hidan had a tuxedo on, but now Jashin was left in her underwear.

"DADDY!!" She screamed, before moving behind her fiancé-soon-to-be-husband-that-she-just-met-in-person. The man snapped again, but this time it was successful and Jashin was back in her elegant robes, and suddenly all the shinobi were in Spartan uniforms while the women were all in Grecian styled robes that were not as beautiful as the soon-to-be-brides (obviously, I mean, she is a goddess) and were shorter and less respectable.

"Eep!" Hinata cried, her own outfit barely covering her backside. Sakura sighed as hers really did nothing for her figure (or lack there of, but hey, it suited her) but didn't look half bad. She was disappointed to see that Ino was more filled out then her, and had a bit more attention then her.

"Whoa, Hinata-chan's hot!" Naruto yelled inconsiderately, and soon he had all the Hyuuga's glaring at him murderously. He paled, but before anything could happen:

"SILENCE!!" Jashin's father roared and he snapped his fingers again. This time, white pews appeared and everyone was forced by an invisible (A/N: I tried to say un-seable Lol) force into their seats. The Akatsuki suddenly tried to sneak away, but they seemed to forget he was a god. He snapped around, and pointed at them.

"You all!! SIT IN THE FUCKING PEWS!!!!" He waved his hand and the Akatsuki went flying into the pews. Suddenly, everyone seemed to be glued to his or her seats. He turned to face his daughter, to see her with her hands on her hips.

"Daddy!" She said, "I need Bridesmaids and a Maid of Honor! And flowers!! And no one checked the gift list, so we have no gifts!" Tears began to build in her eyes, "You're ruining my wedding!" For a second, her father seemed to panic.

"Now, sweetheart," he said, his hands out in front of him in a calming motion (or so he hoped), "this was all really sudden-" ("No shit," Kiba murmured from his seat, only to get hit in a head with a book from who knows where (I know where!!) and Shino was slightly surprised to see it was a bible) "-and they had no idea they were going to attend a goddess' wedding. Look, how about this?" He snapped his fingers, and a long table appeared with presents stacked up, each with a name card on them, "Look, now they got you all presents!" Jashin smiled, before putting her hands back on her hips.

"What about my bridesmaids?" she demanded. Her father motioned vaguely towards the pews.

"Take you pick," he instructed. She smiled and snapped her fingers. Uprooted from their seats, Hinata, Sakura, Konan, TenTen, and Shizune appeared beside her in red dresses (same stile, same length to their horror)and they each had white and black flowers in their hands in a small bouquet. Jashin smiled brilliantly and faced them.

"OK, Hinata, you're my maid of Honor!" she demanded, "because you're the most fun! I promise I'll do something good for you," she leaned foreword and whispered non-too-quietly, "I'll make sure you get your man in the end." She winked at her, and faced the others. She pointed at Sakura, "You get to have Sasuke, just because all the other girls are too stupid and useless," and then Jashin turned to Konan with a small frown.

"What about you?" she asked slowly, tapping her foot slightly, before grinning, "I know! I'll give you guys back Yahiko!!" Konan smiled brilliantly, which in itself was odd, and Jashin turned to her next 'friend', "and TenTen! You also get your man!" She grinned, and TenTen smiled appreciatively, "and finally Shizune!"

"Yes?" Shizune had to admit that she was a bit excited. Jashin grinned.

"You have the best one yet!" she said, waving her arms excitedly. Shizune's smile widened.

"Yes?" Shizune began to think repeatedly, 'please let it be Kakashi, please let it be Kakashi'.

"You don't get to die!!" she smiled and Shizune blinked.

"…what do you mean?" she asked slowly. Jashin smiled sheepishly.

"Well, if life were to go on without me interfering, you would die in a battle against Akatsuki. So, I'm keeping you alive!!" She smiled, and Shizune accepted this. She happened to like living, thank-you-very-much. Jashin turned to Hidan.

"Now, who do you want to be your groomsmen and best man?" She smiled patiently. Hidan looked perplexed.

"I…fuck…I don't really know…er…" He furrowed his eyebrows and looked over the crowd. He shrugged, "I guess Itachi'll be my best man, because he doesn't bug the hell out of me…he actually leaves me alone half of the time…and I guess bring up Kakuzu, Pein, Tobi and Deidara. I mean, the old git was my partner…so I guess I have to call him up." She grinned and snapped her fingers, causing the others to appear beside Hidan. She walked over there and pointed at them.

"You! Itachi!! I know what to do for you!!" She leaned foreword and whispered in his ear, and he nodded appreciatively, actually looking rather relieved. She span and faced Kakuzu, "And you! You greedy bastard!" She smiled, "You get money."

"Score," Kakuzu said with a greedy grin. Jashin just turned to Pein.

"And you! I already told Konan that you'll get Yahiko back, but what else can I do…?" She frowned, and nodded, "I know! I'll bring back Tiny!!" Pein's eyes watered.

"T-tiny?" He asked. Jashin nodded.

"Yes," she said, before facing Tobi with an odd look on her face, "and then there is you. Madara, AKA Tobi." She 'huhed' in confusion and observed him for a second. She shrugged.

"You're brother lives." Madara's eyes widened.

"What?!" He asked angrily, "that's how I," he was cut off as Jashin snapped her fingers and caused duck tape to appear over his mouth.

"There," she said, before turning to Deidara "And you. What do you want besides for you to kill Itachi?" The blonde blinked, and frowned.

"I don't really know…I guess never have to join Akatsuki?"

"Deal!" she cried happily, shaking his hand, "Now, we can proceed with my wedding!!" She smiled at her Dad, only to find him asleep. Her aura flared angrily.

"DADDY!" He jumped, and looked at her.

"What?" he asked before frowning, "oh, right. I forgot." He snapped his fingers and suddenly appeared behind them, religious text in hand. He coughed, and opened it to a random page.

"Um…I bring you here to day to be…bla, blah, blah," Jashin glared.

"Do. It. Right!" she hissed, and he sighed before skipping to the end.

"Do you, Hidan, take Jashin to be your bride for all eternity, to love and to fuck, and if you hurt her you will be punished by myself, who will then castrate you and burn you, bring you back, rip open your stomach and hang you with your entrails?" It was comical how he said this in a calm voice, as if that were all part of the speech. Hidan squeaked.

"I-I do," he seemed a bit nervous now.

"And do you, Jashin, that Hidan to be your husband for all eternity, to love and to fuck, and if you hurt him you will be punished by myself, who will then decapitate you and burn you, bring you back, rip open your stomach and hang you with your entrails?" Oh. Apparently it was part of the speech.

"I do!" she chirped happily, ignoring the looks that passed between everyone.

"Blah, blah, blah," The God said, before snapping the book closed, "You may now kiss the bride."

Well, we'll just skip over that because this story has to maintain its T rating, and since we all know Hidan very well we can infer that the kiss was less then wholesome.

After a few minutes, someone coughed and the two parted, Hidan with a dazed look on his face. Jashin just grinned.

"OK! For being here, you all get presents!" she said happily. She snapped her fingers.

Scissors with little red ribbons that said 'Jashin and Hidan' in gold calligraphy tied around the handle appeared in their laps.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**-**

**MUAHAHA!!!!**

**Anyway, there will be an epilogue, followed by a sequel which I will start once this story hits 100 reviews. Also expect a side story in which you tavel through the tales of Hidan as he trains to become a Kamikaze.**

**KISSES!!!**

**B.E.N. **


	13. Epilogue, A New Start

**OMG!!!**

**Epilogue:**

_A New Start:_

The sun was shining brightly over the village of Konohagakure, causing it's occupants to rise with smiles on their faces and happiness in their hearts. Birds were twittering gaily and being merry, while the shinobi felt that nothing could go-

"ANIKI!!!"

Uchiha Itachi groaned, and pressed his face further into his pillow. It didn't help, and the blue monster (as he referred to him in his mind) raced into the room and jumped onto his bed.

"Aniki, Aniki!" Sasuke said happily, "Guess what? It's morning, and that means that you have to wake up!!"

Itachi just groaned, and ignored his little brother. Sometimes, he wondered why he didn't slaughter his whole family, but he only wondered that when his brother woke him up at the break of dawn. It's not like he would actually kill them.

"I'm up, I'm up," Itachi murmured, before slowly waking up with a monster rat's nest on his head. He moved sluggishly towards the bathroom and looked into the mirror with a blank expression, before grabbing his hair brush and beginning the tedious task of unknotting his hair with a resigned sigh.

Itachi then went through his day as the average Child Prodigy would: smile at some fan girls, go see if there's a mission, no mission? Then just go wander the streets aimlessly. He watched amused as the blond Uzumaki chatted with the Hyuuga Heiress in an upbeat manner, ignoring the ferocious glare of the heiress' cousin.

Itachi stopped by the grocers and picked up some groceries (what else?) for his mother, then stopped by the weapons shop and picked up his katana (which had been broken during his last mission) and chuckling as the store clerks daughter TenTen watched the male Hyuuga with reverence.

On his way home, he decided to stop by Ichirakus, and he took a seat beside a man with a high collared cloak and a straw traveling hat. He noticed an odd three-bladed scythe leaned up against the counter, but thought nothing of it; the Chuunin exams _were_ coming up soon.

"What'll you have, Itachi?" Ichiraku asked with a kind grin, and the Uchiha replied with a tired, 'the usual' and sat his things on the ground beside him.

It took less then a minute for a bowl of steaming hot ramen to be placed in front of him. He ate slowly, and after a minute he gained the odd sensation of being watched. He glanced around through the corners of his eyes, and saw that the man he had sat by was watching him; he had oddly colored, magenta eyes. Itachi vaguely wondered if the poor fellow had pink eye.

Suddenly, the man snorted.

"Shit, I never realized it be so fucking odd to see you settin' at a bar in fucking Konoha. Seriously," the man said rudely, and Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Do I know you?" He asked calmly, prepared for anything. It was possible that this man was a spy and as a loyal Konoha Shinobi, it would be his job to turn him in to the Hokage. The man just scratched his chin.

"Well…you knew me," He offered lamely, "And I still know you, but you don't know me…it's really fucking confusing."

"I can tell," Itachi replied, amusement clear in his tone. The man laughed again.

"Fuck, I also never realized how weird it would be to see you with fucking emotion," he said, and Itachi non-too-subtly tried to move away. _'Stalker' _he thought slowly, praying that this wasn't some weird, freaky fan-boy. The man seemed to realize his thoughts, because his face twisted in disgust.

"Ew. That's fucking nasty," He said, before scratching his cheek again, "Maybe I can do this shit right…" He trailed off, snapped his fingers, and memories came flooding into Itachi's head; but the odd thing was, was that they were from…the future?

And suddenly, everything fit together in his mind.

"I see Jashin kept her promise," he said blandly, and the man, he now remembered as Hidan, grinned.

"Fuck yes! I did it right this time!!"

A thick silence stretched between the two, and Itachi lamely began to finish his ramen. A stressed two minutes passed, and as he tossed his payment onto the table after standing and gathering his things, he glanced back at Hidan.

"Send Jashin my regards," he said, before pushing all thoughts (and memories) of what almost happened to the back of his head.

It took a while for him to truly realize what their meeting again met, and it happened while he was taking a shower. He almost slipped and realized that Hidan was supposed to become Jashin's un-holy messenger of Havoc.

So…why was he in Konoha?

More disturbingly…why is he thinking of Hidan while he was in the shower?

-

**BAH HAA!!!**

**OK, I didn't update as soon as I got 100 reveiws cuz I was on vacation with no internet. It wasn't half bad, really.**

**BUT anyway, this is the conclusion of Scissors, and leads to the breath taking sequel where Hidan becomes Jashin's Bitch, er...I mean un-holy messenger of Havoc. Haha ::sweat drop:: It'd be best if you just ignored that little slip...haha...**

**Ciao!!**

**B.E.N**


End file.
